Martinsville Bulletin, Inc.
P. O. Box 3711
204 Broad Street
Martinsville, Virginia 24115
Toll Free: 800-234-6575
Friday, April 6, 2012
THURSDAY’S WORD was rash (RASH). It means marked by or proceeding from undue haste or lack of deliberation or caution. He often doesn’t think before he speaks, and this is not the first time he has had to apologize for his rash comments.
FRIDAY’S WORD is cockalorum (kah-kuh-LOR-um). No one believed Marty’s cockalorum about being an expert pool player, and as it turned out, he is indeed just as bad as the rest of us.
Averett University’s MBA team, Team Powerhouse, will hold a benefit dinner and concert April 21 to benefit the Dan River Basin Association. The event will be held from 6-9:30 p.m. at the Martinsville Elks Lodge. Performers will include Montana Young and Dean Smith. Tickets are $40 each and are available at Woodall’s Music or by calling 732-9290. More information is available at powerhouseproject.net or by calling the phone number above.
Reminders: The Henry County Parks and Recreation Department will sponsor a trip to Pennsylvania Dutch Country on April 24-26. The trip will include motorcoach transportation, hotel accommodations for two nights, “Jonah” at the Sight and Sound Theatre, a tour of Lancaster County, two dinners and a musical, “True Confessions.” Call 634-4644 for additional information, including the cost.
Following are some Easter weekend schedules:
Grace Network will be closed today and Monday.
The Martinsville Municipal Building will be open both today and Monday.
Henry County Administration Building will be open today and closed Monday.
Piedmont Community Services will be closed on Monday. In the event of an emergency, call 632-7295.
All ABC stores will be closed on Sunday. Stores will reopen at normal hours on Monday.
Henry County Schools are closed today through Aug. 13.
Martinsville Schools are closed next week.
Here’s a bit of humor from a website:
“What makes you think the prisoner was drunk?” asked the judge.
“Well, your honor,” replied the arresting officer, “I saw him lift up a manhole cover and walk away with it, and when I asked him what it was for, he said, ‘I want to listen to it on my record-player!’”
Here is more humor, this time dealing with a mental health phone menu:
Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital.
Please select from the following options menu:
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway.
If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.
If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. Our operators are too busy to talk with you.
If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won’t be crazy forever.
If you are blonde, don’t press any buttons; you’ll just mess it up.