TODAY’S WORD is ornery. Example: Why do you have to be so ornery when it's time to do chores, Phillip?

WEDNESDAY’S WORD was lickety-split. It means A.S.A.P. Example, “Miss Hornsby, I want 350 copies of the field trip form run off lickety-split!” the principal boomed.

Job fair

More than 20 local employers, including Eastman, Ameristaff, Monogram Foods, Nationwide Homes, Smart Machine, Symphony and Carter Bank and Trust, are needing employees -- and they will be set up at a career fair today at Patrick Henry Community College.

The career fair will be from 9 a.m. to 1 p.m. in the Stone Hall gym. Gift cards and prizes will be awarded to some lucky winners.

Drug forum

One Care of Southwest Virginia and the Virginia Department of Health will host "Prescription Drug & Heroin Misuse Forum" at 7:30 a.m. Saturday at New College Institute. The forum is to teach health care providers aspects of prescribing controlled substances, and it meets licensing requirements. The session is $25 for those in the profession and free to others. For more information or to register, call 423-439-8027 or visit

Community meal

Love and Hope Ministries, 1844 Virginia Ave., will serve free meals of barbecue and roast beef sandwiches, with side dishes and desserts, at 12:30-1:30 p.m. Sunday.

Big Band

Martinsville master musician Kevin Lewis is at it again. On Monday, at 6 p.m. in the Magna Vista High School Band room, Lewis will start a "Big Band" for Patrick Henry Community College, and all musicians are invited -- PHCC students, high school students and local residents of any age.

Funny sentences

We resume a listing of actual sentences included in "letters received by the Welfare Department," as sent to The Stroller by a reader:

  • I am forwarding my marriage certificate and 3 children, one of which is a mistake as you can see.
  • My husband got his Project cut off two weeks ago and I haven't had any relief since.
  • Unless I get my husband's money pretty soon, I will be forced to live an immortal life.
  • You have changed a little boy to a little girl. Will this make any difference?
  • I have no children yet as my husband is a truck driver and works day and night.
  • In accordance with your instructions I have given birth to two twins in the enclosed envelope.
  • I want my money as quick as I can get it. I've been in bed with the doctor for to (2) weeks and he doesn't do me any good. If things don't improve, I will have to send for another doctor.

TUESDAY’S TRIVIA ANSWER: During these weeks, you’re likely to see flocks of turkeys along roadsides and in fields. However, the name for a group of turkeys on farms and other domesticated situations is gangs or rafter.

TODAY’S TRIVIA QUESTION: How many feathers is it estimated a turkey has at maturity?

Send your jokes, announcements, funny anecdotes, local observations and more to or 276-638-8801 extension 243.

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